New Year Yuks

Ha, ha, ha….that’s a good one!

Well, it’s time again for our Christmas/holiday letter that tells you everything about us that you never really wanted to know anyway but you read to be polite because…well…because you are polite and one day you might want to write one of your own, no?

This year was full of surpises: One of mama’s ancient uncles was found running around naked in Milwaukee shouting, “You’ll never make me wear silly clothes—I’m 98 and I rock!” They finally got him back into the home where he proceeded to propose to one of the ladies there, Winifred by name, and signed a new will leaving everything to her and her poodle, Pattycakes. Needless to say, the children and grandchildren and great grandchildren were NOT happy.

About mid-year, papa went off on a butterfly/bird-watching safari in east Angolia but forgot his net and had to come all the way back home to get it. Needless to say, he looked for days but only discovered the net after the safari was over. A rare specimen of the Multifarious Colorigamus Volante was found by papa’s nemesis, a fellow safari-goer who NEVER forgets HIS net, and papa was in a funk for weeks. Actually, the guy only found the early stage of the butterfly, but when papa saw it, he had to have pajamas made to match, thinking that would help, but it didn’t.

We were all finally cheered up by discovering that hundreds of rare multi-flavoured lollipop mushrooms had sprouted in mama’s garden and she had only to pick any one of such delicacies as Onion Odyssey, Szechwan Surprise or Won Ton Wonder to augment the flavors of her favorite dishes!

To round out the year, mama and papa decided to adopt a baby alligator (named Snapper, original, no?) and let it play outside in a pool they built especially for the little darling. Little did they know that within weeks, Snapper would grow substantially into a specimen worthy of the Florida Everglades and when they were not at home, I managed to have him picked up by UPS and SENT there because I am NOT going to tippy-toe around MY garden watching his beady eyes following me to see when I might fall in the pool. No way, Jose. Ciao, Snapper.  Go eat some frogs…

Well, that’s about all that happened around here. Pretty uneventful, right?

Maybe I can drum up a little more action in 2016…maybe follow up on mama’s uncle now that he’s married to Winifred and living in a retirement community in Tierra del Fuego and see if Pattcakes and I can get into some trouble. Maybe by now she knows Winifred’s bank account numbers….hmmm.

Maybe I’ll check out that little Ferarri 2-seater, just in case.  Classic red, don’t you think?