Go Gently Into That Goodnight

Sushi on the stair

Well, this is not easy to talk about, but mama saw a kitty up for adoption on a blog—an older kitty who had been 12 years with a family and the couple divorced and they actually took the kitty to be…well…done away with, but the place they took him said, no way, we will find a home for this sweet kitty. Number one, that was a wonderful reaction to those desperate, unkind people.

Number two, it reminded mama that when a kitty or doggie has to be…er…done away with for illness reasons, for example, it is very important to stay with the kitty or doggie until it is over, as mama did not do with Sushi, mama’s and papa’s Tuxedo kitty who flopped on her back when papa said, Go clunk, Sushi! What a character.

Mama had to leave little Sushi, who was very, very ill and had been getting shots and medicines and looked miserable all the time, at the vet who would send her on. And mama has always regretted leaving her there without actually being in the room with her when she was euthanased. Death is not easy to watch. And some anthros are just chicken…Sushi looked back at mama when they took her away and mama lost it.

When mama’s close, close friend died after a long illness, mama felt she had said goodbye the day before and when the friend’s daughter called with the news, mama could not bring herself to see her friend dead.  A huge regret, mama tells me, at not ending their cycle of deep friendship.  Mama’s not real good at some things.

When mama’s mother died and mama rushed to Texas to be with her, the nurse at the hospital advised against seeing her mama and said Try to remember her the way the way she was, because after her fall and stroke…well, I’m just advising you to think of her when she was alive and well. The doctor also said that was good advice and mama did not go into the hospital morgue. That was the best choice, I think.

And then when mama and papa’s calico, Luna, had to be put down, this time they were there with her as she slipped off into her long sleep. Heart-wrenching, but a finalization of a special life together. Still, the grief and sadness of losing one’s kitty or doggie stays with you always.

Mama grieved for her mother for almost a year and then one night she had a dream: there was a phone booth and the phone was ringing and mama went to answer it and her mama was on the other end and said, I just called to say goodbye. And when she woke up, mama was free of much of her terrible grief and what had replaced it was a sense of freedom to remember all the good things about her mama and all the knowledge her mama had left for her during their life together. Mama says it was amazing, that feeling after so much sadness and loss.

I don’t like to think of kitties and doggies having to be killed because there are too many.  Adoption is so important. We call it trafficking when anthros are bought and sold. What about us?

Sushi as kitten

And a warm thank-you, merci, to all the new subscribers to my blog.  If I could give you all a bath, I would!