Why on earth would I want to come in the house when I can be here?
Well, I been thinkin’…these anthros need a trainer or at least a school where they can go to learn how to live with others in a peaceable fashion. They have NO manners, for example, when it comes to putting out a lunch for what appears to be everyone in the family but instead, they sit down to eat WITHOUT OFFERING ANYONE ELSE A PIECE OF THE POACHED SALMON (or steak, or chicken, or fish, etc.).
Now what kind of hospitality is that, I ask you? And how about in the middle of the night when I am sleeping peacefully in my favorite spot, between the knees (a healing position for anyone’s knees, by the way, so I am actually WORKING FOR OTHERS while I sleep) and suddenly, an anthro leaps out of bed and goes off for who knows what and then comes back and thinks she is going to get in the same position without making me move three times!
And then there is the correct seating arrangement at the table. Three seats are put out with our table and I know clearly which one is mine but do they let me STAY THERE? No way, Jose. They pull MY chair (that was at the head of the table where it belongs) roughly away from my place and lift another chair right over my head to place in MY place, narrowly missing my ear or sometimes my nose, and then say No, Loulou, that is mama’s chair when I know full well it is NOT and never will be.
What do they think I am? Ignorant? And how about when papa locks me outside late at night in the garden and shuts all the shutters, thinking that I am IN THE HOUSE where he has not checked at all, making the assumption (and we know what a mistake THAT is) that I have come in from outdoors precisely when HE feels I should and there is no way I would have been indoors what with a full moon and stars all over the place and so many smells and other strange animals about. WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE? Mama and papa, that is, not the strange animals.
So I am starting a school—all kitties invited—that will TRAIN these anthros to have proper comportment and teach them the amenities of living with an elegant, bien élevé kitty instead of some smart-ass stray who was born in a barn and doesn’t know which end of a mouse is up!
Enrollment is in the fall. Tuition is a monthly supply of white meat only canned tuna in extra virgin olive oil, or, lacking that, a note every now and then to share your difficult experiences with your anthro and how you teach him/her to behave in a civilized manner around you and the brick walls you run up against in doing so!
Professeur Loulou says class dismissed.
Well, they do some things right…
It seems you have your work cut out for you Loulou. Cats have been training apes in this house for what seems like forever and still we can’t leave the apes unsupervised for long.
Training humans is a lifetime’s job for a kitty
*groan*
Luff Mungo & Jet
Boy, did you hit that one on the head…er…nail.
Well, it’s a good thing they can do SOMETHING right! For a moment there, we thought your folks are a total washout as family members. At least they have one redeeming grace. 🙂
Yeah, they snuggle really well.